Dear Max: I Love You!

Today I learned of the passing of a young boy named Mitchell.  I'm not sure of his age, or the name of the disease he suffered from, but it broke my heart.  He had a Facebook page where his parents kept everyone updated on his status.  I just happened upon his page when I saw one of my Facebook friends had "liked" his picture.  This picture was of Mitchell and his mother.  Mitchell looked as if he was sleeping, but his mother was just the opposite.  She sat by his bedside holding his hand in hers as she kissed it while she had her other hand on his chest.  Her eyes were closed as if she was praying, and though you couldn't really see all of her face, it was obvious she was heart broken.  The caption on the picture informed us that Mitchell had passed around 1:30 in the morning and this picture was just taken about an hour before he took his last breath.

I've looked at this picture several times today.  And each time I've cried a little bit harder.  I can't imagine what this poor family has gone through.  I can't imagine, as a mother, the hurt that she is feeling.  I just looked at it again and Max caught me crying.  He asked in the sweetest, most innocent voice, "are you sad?"  All I could do was hug him and tell him how much I loved him.  And how I will always love him.  And how I thank God everyday that He gave me such a perfect little boy.

I never want to take this for granted.  I sometimes get so overwhelmed with life that I forget how good I've got it.  It's pitiful that it takes something like this to bring me back to reality, but I know God has already forgiven me for being so silly...and I'm so thankful for that.

December 14

Yesterday morning, I got mad at Max because he was being whiny.  I yelled at him and put him in time out.  Then I saw the horrible report of what was unfolding in Connecticut.  My heart was broken.  20 children were the innocent victims of a lunatic.  They hadn't done a single thing to deserve to die yesterday.  They were children.  Pure, innocent children with their whole lives ahead of them and that opportunity became impossible within seconds.  I thought of those parents who sent their kids to school that day never imagining that it would be the last time they would see their precious child.  And I felt awful for getting upset at Max for something so silly.  I was away from him for most of the day but I found myself constantly thinking of him and how I couldn't imagine my life without him.  I suddenly became thankful for the whines because that meant he was here with me.  

Tragedies such as these are things I have never, nor will ever understand.  I don't think God "let this happen" and I don't blame Him.  I don't think God abandoned any of those innocent lives yesterday.  I believe He was right there with them.  He was there holding them and comforting them and not letting them feel any of the pain the gunman set out to inflict on them.  People want to ask "Where was God?" but I am trusting that He was there the whole time. He said "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and I think He has proven time and time again that He is a man of His Word. 

My thoughts have been consumed with this horrific situation since yesterday.  My heart is so heavy for these families who have lost their loved ones.  I've prayed prayers of forgiveness for feeling relieved that it wasn't me who had to deal with this first hand.  I've prayed prayers of thankfulness for God's angels that have charge over His children.  I've prayed prayers of comfort and peace for those families and also those of us who are feeling a little scared of what is going on in this world.  I have prayed for the gunman because he had to have been in a dark, dark place to have done something like this.  

I'll conclude this post the same way I concluded each of these prayers: God, I thank you that you are still God and are in complete control of this world.  Allow us to see that You are here in this situation and every situation we face. Amen

Our First Trip to Koala Kuts

Disclaimer:  I don't know why these pictures are turned sideways.  They're the right direction everywhere else.  Any suggestions on how to fix will be greatly appreciated :)

I took Max to Koala Kuts a couple of weeks ago for his first haircut.  Those of you who know me know that this was a big deal.  I was completely against cutting off those luscious locks of his because they were just so darn cute!  And then, people started saying HE was "such a pretty girl" and I'd had enough.  It wasn't until this picture though, that I finally made the decision:  he needed a haircut...

So, off to Koala Cuts we went one rainy afternoon. The weather certainly matched my mood. It was a very melancholy moment for me. I knew getting his hair cut was going to take away that sweet baby look and I just didn't want that to happen. I asked the lady who was cutting his hair "Have you ever had a mom cry on you before?" She looked at me as if I'd asked her to stand on her head and cut his hair. "No (insert sideways glance/eye roll here)." I wanted to punch her but I refrained. "Oh, okay" was all I could muster up as a reply as I pushed my tears back a little farther. I knew she was lying. But I guess she was just trying to save my dignity by keeping me from breaking down in the middle of all those kids in their little Barbie Jeeps and Fire Truck seats. So instead of crying, I snapped this one last picture of his long hair…

Kudos to those ladies who work at Koala Kuts. It has to be the hardest job ever if other kids were as *not still* as Max was. He didn't cry. Nor did he act scared. But he wanted to get down and play with the other 50 kids in there. He jerked his head around the whole time. We bounced from seat to seat hoping to gain the least bit of focus from him but it only seemed to last about 2 seconds. She was so patient and then she generously handed her scissors over to another lady to finish the job she had started. She'd had enough. I felt awful but I was so pleased with the outcome. He still has his curls – only they are these tight, little course curls that I think he may be stuck with for life. I don't see these going away anytime soon away =D. This was one of the best pictures I could get with my phone. It normally doesn't stick up like this (only everyday), but this is one of the least blurry pictures I had. And that smile is just too cute not to post ;)

And this picture just makes me laugh…

My Beloved

I heard this song by Kari Jobe this morning on my way to work and I thought I was going to have to pull over I was crying so hard.  It’s a love song from God.  To us.  It’s beautiful! 

My favorite line in the song is “Come rest in me and be made whole.”  It’s so crazy how we so often try to “fix” things on our own terms and our own time.  But He tells us to bring it to Him.  Rest in His peace and comfort and He will fulfill every need we could ever think of.  And while He’s fixing it, He will fill that God-sized void so many of us are guilty of having.  We aren’t made whole by money, material things, or even our family for that matter.  We are not completely whole until we surrender to the Almighty God.  It is then that He will bless us spiritually, financially, emotionally, and physically beyond anything we could ever think or imagine.

His love for us is immeasurable.  He thinks we’re perfect.  He wants to fulfill our every need.  He wants to take our worries away.  He wants us to be free.  He wants us to spend time with Him and let Him love on us like no one else can.  I hope this song blesses you as much as it did me :)

Home is Where the Heart Is

I'm glad to announce that we have finally bought a house!!  We closed on it this past Friday and will be moving in after Christmas!  We have been living with Lynn and Pam and are so grateful to them for their hospitality and generosity over this past year. So this blog is a tribute to them; without them we would have been throwing our money away on an overpriced apartment!

We moved in with them a couple of weeks before Max was born.  When we came home from the hospital, Pam had transformed our bedroom into a nursery/living room/bedroom and I will be forever grateful to her for that.  I can remember leaving the hospital and thinking:  "I didn't set anything up for Max!"  But when we got home, Pam had washed and folded clothes and put them up for me and had everything I needed at my fingertips.  Throughout our year with them, she has washed a countless number of bottles and sippy cups to help me out.  And of course, she helps watch Max when I need a break too.  I thank God everyday that I have such a great mother in law.  I couldn't have hand picked a better one! 

Lynn completely spoiled me while we were there.  The whole time I was home with Max before I went back to work, I never had to lift a finger.  He cooked for me, and tended to my every need.  Looking back, I don't know how I would have made it without him.  It makes me teary-eyed to think of how he took such good care of me.  He has continued to cook for us - I'm going to have to learn how to cook all over again when we move out!  Just as Pam is a great mother in law, Lynn is an equally great father in law.  He is so loving and kind, and goes out of his way to accommodate us .

Moving out is going to be bittersweet.  We're excited to have a place of our own.  But a little sad to be leaving Pam and Lynn and all the joy and comfort (and good food) they bring us.  Even though this was not
our home in a legal sense, it is, and always will be "home" to us.  I hope that one day Max understands how special this last year has been.  We will certainly look forward to the many trips to Mamaw and Papaw's house in the future.  While we can't wait to make memories in our own house, we will always treasure the memories at our first home together.

Thank you, Lynn and Pam, for sharing your home with us.  The love you have shown us over the last year is overwhelming.  We could never thank you enough for all you have done!!!

1st Birthday Party!!

Whew!!  This weekend was Max's first birthday party and I am pooped but completely overwhelmed by the love that was shown to our baby boy this weekend!  We had the party at church and sent out invitations via Facebook (because I'm cheap and didn't want to buy invitations).  I just went through clicking the names of our closest friends and relatives and came to a total of 93 people!  I couldn't believe that we had 93 people we wanted to share this wonderful occassion with (so glad I didn't actually buy invitations!)  Of course, I knew that ALL of those 93 people couldn't be there, but I still wanted to include them.  Just another reminder of how blessed and thankful I am to have such great friends and families!

I had received RSVP's from about 15 people so I figured by the time those 15 people bring their spouses and their kids, we would have around 30-40 people there.  Counting Tyler, Max, and me, we had 58 people there!  We couldn't believe that so many of our friends would take time out of their busy December schedules to celebrate a birthday for a 1 year old!  Max was blessed with so many toys that I'm really glad we bought a new house (another blog on this later!) to store all of them in!!

I don't have any pictures of the party to post here yet, but I will post some soon.  I was so busy during the party that I hardly had a chance to take any!  The ones that we did take were a little blurry so that makes me want a new (good) camera to capture all of these priceless moments (Tyler, if you're reading this, this is your blaringly obvious hint at what I want for Christmas!)

For those of you who made it to the party, I could never tell you how much it meant to us to have you there!  I wish I would have been able to visit with each of you more, but I hope you understand!  Each of you are so special to us and we are so blessed to have you in our life!!

"A hug is worth a thousand words. A friend is worth more."

A YEAR TO REMEMBER

First of all, I want to say 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!' to our sweet Max.  It's so crazy to think that I have a ONE YEAR OLD!  I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday...

I can remember telling my mom that I felt "different" the day before Max actually entered the world, but couldn't exactly pin point what it was.  Then the contractions started.  When I told Tyler I thought I was having contractions, he denied it and said it was the footlong hot dog I'd had from Dairy Dart earlier that day.  I went upstairs and was surprisingly calm, even though I knew my life was about to change in a BIG way!  Of course the contractions never let up and after staying up all night, Tyler finally accepted that we may need to go to the hospital.  I didn't even have a bag packed.  Even though I was almost two weeks past my due date, I didn't have a bag packed.  That's just how I roll. 

When we got to the hospital, they checked to see if I was dilated.  I just knew that I had to be at least 5 or 6 cm.  Wrong.  1 cm.  1 CM?!?!  After the horrible, painful contractions I had been experiencing for about 13 hours now, I was only 1 cm?!!!  I was so discouraged.  At this point, the contractions were awful.  I hadn't slept at all and everytime one would come I had to throw up.  It was not fun.  About 2 or 3 hours later, the nurse came in to check again and I was at 5 cm.  At that point, she said the most magical words:  "Let's get you an epidural.  I never saw that HUGE needle they shoved in my spine, but after the pain of the needle, I never felt another thing until that night!  I'll spare the gross details but we finally met our little man at 3:49 pm on December 8, 2010. 

He was absolutely perfect and it was love at first sight.  They put him in my arms and I swear it was like he was looking into my soul.  We couldn't take our eyes off of each other.  I was taking in each and every wrinkle, hair, and birth mark on his body.  I was his mother and he was my perfect baby boy.  It still makes me cry to think about that day and all the emotion I was feeling.  Tyler and I didn't have a clue what we were doing (and still don't) but there is one thing we know:  we still love our Max just as much as we did the moment we met him.  We thank God for him every day.  We thank God for the plans He has for Max and the blessings He will pour out on him throughout his life. 

Happy Birthday Max!  We're so glad God chose us to be your parents!!!