December 14

Yesterday morning, I got mad at Max because he was being whiny.  I yelled at him and put him in time out.  Then I saw the horrible report of what was unfolding in Connecticut.  My heart was broken.  20 children were the innocent victims of a lunatic.  They hadn't done a single thing to deserve to die yesterday.  They were children.  Pure, innocent children with their whole lives ahead of them and that opportunity became impossible within seconds.  I thought of those parents who sent their kids to school that day never imagining that it would be the last time they would see their precious child.  And I felt awful for getting upset at Max for something so silly.  I was away from him for most of the day but I found myself constantly thinking of him and how I couldn't imagine my life without him.  I suddenly became thankful for the whines because that meant he was here with me.  

Tragedies such as these are things I have never, nor will ever understand.  I don't think God "let this happen" and I don't blame Him.  I don't think God abandoned any of those innocent lives yesterday.  I believe He was right there with them.  He was there holding them and comforting them and not letting them feel any of the pain the gunman set out to inflict on them.  People want to ask "Where was God?" but I am trusting that He was there the whole time. He said "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and I think He has proven time and time again that He is a man of His Word. 

My thoughts have been consumed with this horrific situation since yesterday.  My heart is so heavy for these families who have lost their loved ones.  I've prayed prayers of forgiveness for feeling relieved that it wasn't me who had to deal with this first hand.  I've prayed prayers of thankfulness for God's angels that have charge over His children.  I've prayed prayers of comfort and peace for those families and also those of us who are feeling a little scared of what is going on in this world.  I have prayed for the gunman because he had to have been in a dark, dark place to have done something like this.  

I'll conclude this post the same way I concluded each of these prayers: God, I thank you that you are still God and are in complete control of this world.  Allow us to see that You are here in this situation and every situation we face. Amen

Our First Trip to Koala Kuts

Disclaimer:  I don't know why these pictures are turned sideways.  They're the right direction everywhere else.  Any suggestions on how to fix will be greatly appreciated :)

I took Max to Koala Kuts a couple of weeks ago for his first haircut.  Those of you who know me know that this was a big deal.  I was completely against cutting off those luscious locks of his because they were just so darn cute!  And then, people started saying HE was "such a pretty girl" and I'd had enough.  It wasn't until this picture though, that I finally made the decision:  he needed a haircut...

So, off to Koala Cuts we went one rainy afternoon. The weather certainly matched my mood. It was a very melancholy moment for me. I knew getting his hair cut was going to take away that sweet baby look and I just didn't want that to happen. I asked the lady who was cutting his hair "Have you ever had a mom cry on you before?" She looked at me as if I'd asked her to stand on her head and cut his hair. "No (insert sideways glance/eye roll here)." I wanted to punch her but I refrained. "Oh, okay" was all I could muster up as a reply as I pushed my tears back a little farther. I knew she was lying. But I guess she was just trying to save my dignity by keeping me from breaking down in the middle of all those kids in their little Barbie Jeeps and Fire Truck seats. So instead of crying, I snapped this one last picture of his long hair…

Kudos to those ladies who work at Koala Kuts. It has to be the hardest job ever if other kids were as *not still* as Max was. He didn't cry. Nor did he act scared. But he wanted to get down and play with the other 50 kids in there. He jerked his head around the whole time. We bounced from seat to seat hoping to gain the least bit of focus from him but it only seemed to last about 2 seconds. She was so patient and then she generously handed her scissors over to another lady to finish the job she had started. She'd had enough. I felt awful but I was so pleased with the outcome. He still has his curls – only they are these tight, little course curls that I think he may be stuck with for life. I don't see these going away anytime soon away =D. This was one of the best pictures I could get with my phone. It normally doesn't stick up like this (only everyday), but this is one of the least blurry pictures I had. And that smile is just too cute not to post ;)

And this picture just makes me laugh…

My Beloved

I heard this song by Kari Jobe this morning on my way to work and I thought I was going to have to pull over I was crying so hard.  It’s a love song from God.  To us.  It’s beautiful! 

My favorite line in the song is “Come rest in me and be made whole.”  It’s so crazy how we so often try to “fix” things on our own terms and our own time.  But He tells us to bring it to Him.  Rest in His peace and comfort and He will fulfill every need we could ever think of.  And while He’s fixing it, He will fill that God-sized void so many of us are guilty of having.  We aren’t made whole by money, material things, or even our family for that matter.  We are not completely whole until we surrender to the Almighty God.  It is then that He will bless us spiritually, financially, emotionally, and physically beyond anything we could ever think or imagine.

His love for us is immeasurable.  He thinks we’re perfect.  He wants to fulfill our every need.  He wants to take our worries away.  He wants us to be free.  He wants us to spend time with Him and let Him love on us like no one else can.  I hope this song blesses you as much as it did me :)